A month ago today I was saying some painful goodbyes to people and places I had fallen in love with. Could it really be a month? Many days I feel fine, some moments I miss India so much it feels like my heart might burst, and some days I just feel "off" and have no idea why. My heart still aches for the women I met and the pain that filled their lives. I still pray they come to know the beautiful freedom they have in Christ. Years and years could pass, but this will always be my prayer for my sisters in Christ in Bangalore. Today, as always, God reminded me that He hasn't stopped fighting for his children in Bangalore, Orange City, or any place in between. Even when I'm overwhelmed with the injustice in our world, He is fighting for justice and He is ONLY good. God is greater than the hurt, stronger than the hurt, and His love will never fail us. Our God is fighting for us, always.
Welcome to my blog! Follow me as I strive to find joy in the little things in life! [1 Thessalonians 5:16 "Be joyful always."]
Kelsey,
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think it strange how I want to talk to you and I'm not sure how you will take this strange woman's comments on your blog? But somehow I feel you will understand this.
It has been almost a year since I was in Kenya. Although it was a short (about two weeks) trip my heart was wrecked for eternity. The last few days I have been overwhelmed with.. with...how to put into words...the sights, the people, the smells (not always pleasant), the sounds. I long to go back to Mombasa where my Compassion child is and just move into the village and love on them all. To go back to the countryside of Mweiga and be with the widows I was privileged to meet and serve.
You have been on several of these trips. How do you, what do you, do with all these feelings?
I can't leave at this time. I have two high schoolers. They would love to take off with me but their dad will not let them leave the country. I know that this is God's way of putting brakes on my impetuous, spontaneous nature. And I do have these things like a job and a home which are all gifts from a loving and gracious Father. So I will wait and pray and pray and wait for God's leading.
I needed to share what is going on in my heart and I thought you would understand.
Blessings,
Michele Bennett
No, I love your comments- they're beautiful! I think processing happens for much longer than we ourselves even realize, and much longer than most people think it should. Sometimes my heart aches for India so much I don't think I can contain it, but then I remind myself that I'm here, in Orange City, IA for a reason. I often ask God why I'm paying a ridiculous amount to go to school for something I'm not even sure I want to do when I could be serving. But God does have me here, right now for a purpose, even if I'm not quite sure what that purpose is. I know right now, my answer is simply to wait. Wait on the Lord. I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but it's good to hold the beauty, brokenness, and heartache we've experiences with us. It's good to fight for the people we met and continue to pray for them, but it's also good to be fully present wherever you are. I haven't quite figured that one out yet, but maybe someday..so for now I just wait. Who knows if these thoughts make any sense, but I do understand!
ReplyDeleteHope to meet you someday!