This year I get the beautiful privilege of seeing two dear friends head over to India to serve for the summer- one to Goa and one to Bangalore. I love them both so dearly and can NOT wait to see what the Lord has in store for them! When I think about each of them exploring this beautiful country and falling in love with the people they work with, my heart feels as though it might burst with joy. And while I'm 110% excited for them, my heart aches a little too knowing I won't be there. Chatting with them and preparing for them to go has made me a little homesick for Bangalore.
Some days my heart still aches for India. Some days I feel homesick for India. But how is that even possible? How can I feel homesick for a place I only spent two months in when I'm living in the place I've been raised all my life? How is it that I feel more comfortable flagging down a rickshaw on the dirt streets of India than I do hopping on a train in Chicago? How is it that I still catch myself bobbing my head instead of nodding it occasionally? Since the moment I stepped foot on the red soil of Hyderabad in May 2011 I've been in love. I love the people and the culture. I miss hearing children yell, "aca!" and sitting with women who I cannot even communicate with. I miss sharing the gospel through henna stories. And yes, the injustices are great and the pain is raw but the hope is so much more! The good easily outweighs the bad for me. So why do I so often think about going back? Why do I try to figure out how to go back with school loans? Do I want to go back for the right reasons? Would I even like it if I went back long term? Would I be useful for the Kingdom? Am I strong enough to live 8000 miles away from my family? Does God want me to go back?! How do I know if he does? What about being a nurse in the states? I'd love that too, and could further the Kingdom that way. If I do stay in the states, where do I work here? What if I do the wrong thing? Is there a "wrong" path?
These are the questions that run through my head all too often. Do I have all of the answers? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I may not even have any, but I have peace in knowing that I don't have to have all the answers because my Savior does. All I need to do is surrender. I need to let go of my plan, open my heart, and follow his plan. I read this on a blog from another volunteer, "I'm learning to let go of the need to know and plan and strategize and, in turn, just rest in His promises and sovereignty...to know that is plans for me are greater than anything I could design for myself. Perhaps one day I will return...maybe not. But more than geography, I long to be an effective tool for the Kingdom. And since it's His Kingdom, surely He knows how to best build it." Well said, sister. Amen.
Anyway, these are few of the ramblings of my brain. And I'm thankful for them. And I'm even more thankful I serve a God who holds the answer to every single question. And I'm thankful I get to see two of my sisters in Christ head over to India to serve the Kingdom.
Some days my heart still aches for India. Some days I feel homesick for India. But how is that even possible? How can I feel homesick for a place I only spent two months in when I'm living in the place I've been raised all my life? How is it that I feel more comfortable flagging down a rickshaw on the dirt streets of India than I do hopping on a train in Chicago? How is it that I still catch myself bobbing my head instead of nodding it occasionally? Since the moment I stepped foot on the red soil of Hyderabad in May 2011 I've been in love. I love the people and the culture. I miss hearing children yell, "aca!" and sitting with women who I cannot even communicate with. I miss sharing the gospel through henna stories. And yes, the injustices are great and the pain is raw but the hope is so much more! The good easily outweighs the bad for me. So why do I so often think about going back? Why do I try to figure out how to go back with school loans? Do I want to go back for the right reasons? Would I even like it if I went back long term? Would I be useful for the Kingdom? Am I strong enough to live 8000 miles away from my family? Does God want me to go back?! How do I know if he does? What about being a nurse in the states? I'd love that too, and could further the Kingdom that way. If I do stay in the states, where do I work here? What if I do the wrong thing? Is there a "wrong" path?
These are the questions that run through my head all too often. Do I have all of the answers? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I may not even have any, but I have peace in knowing that I don't have to have all the answers because my Savior does. All I need to do is surrender. I need to let go of my plan, open my heart, and follow his plan. I read this on a blog from another volunteer, "I'm learning to let go of the need to know and plan and strategize and, in turn, just rest in His promises and sovereignty...to know that is plans for me are greater than anything I could design for myself. Perhaps one day I will return...maybe not. But more than geography, I long to be an effective tool for the Kingdom. And since it's His Kingdom, surely He knows how to best build it." Well said, sister. Amen.
Anyway, these are few of the ramblings of my brain. And I'm thankful for them. And I'm even more thankful I serve a God who holds the answer to every single question. And I'm thankful I get to see two of my sisters in Christ head over to India to serve the Kingdom.
No comments:
Post a Comment